Daughters-in-Law in Song Dynasty China
Brides were led into their new houses while taking especial care not to walk on the bare floor, which would be inauspicious. Depending on the wealth of the families involved, she may be preceded by a pair of minders to support her and her impressive, heavy coiffure and clothes. A procession of singing girls would lead the way, bearing torches and candles in the form of flowers and lotus plants, for more good luck. One singing girl would walk backwards, holding a mirror so that the bride could watch her own progress (and which would probably help her not to fall over the extravagant skirts).
Relatives distributed sweets, seeds, fruits and small value coins to children gathered around the house, which also helped to dispel any baneful influences. Soothsayers would long before have set upon a generally auspicious day and everything would have been done to ensure that future life would be smooth and happy.
However, in order for smoothness and harmony to be maintained, it was necessary for the bride – often painfully young – to abide by the rules of her husband and his family. Almost certainly she would have had little if any further contact with her own parents and family. Instead, she would be expected to obey her husband and his parents completely and without question. If she was not the first wife in the household, then her position would be worse because she would have also to obey not only the first wife and her relatives but anyone else who was deemed to have a superior social position. The main virtues that she would be expected to demonstrate were modesty, chastity, conjugal fidelity and filial piety. Ideas from Confucius were used to buttress the relationships which would dominate the bride’s new life. She herself was of little value compared to her role in maintaining the family relationships. It would be better for her to die rather than disobey any of her social superiors. When forced into a situation in which she would have to disobey one such person, it was common for a daughter-in-law to kill herself instead. This happened if her husband turned out to treat her badly or to be dishonoured and she was urged to disown him.
In fact, it was not too difficult to obtain a divorce. Since there was no religious sanction for marriage, it was possible for one or both partners just to repudiate the other on the basis that the contract into which they entered was not being honoured. So, if the husband did not provide the standard of living promised or the wife was unfaithful or lazy or in some other way deemed unsatisfactory, then they could simply announce themselves divorced. That did not mean that the woman involved would escape from a social stigma.
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